Outcall rates for idiots is a long overdue news item that is directly related to our 'Incall Rates for Idiots' post, and in many ways is more pertinent.
The Client Foodchain
It’s coming up to the weekend again, so we thought we’d publish a memo on the ‘client foodchain’ – or the ‘chances of me getting an escort’.
This client does everything right – phones up in good time, is prepared to call rather than send text messages, is prepared to wait until his chosen girl is available, answers the call-back from the girl within a couple of calls at most, and does not impose curfews on how long the girl has to arrive.
This type of client is a pleasure to work with, and comes well at the top of the foodchain – a little like a starter, main meal and dessert all rolled into one, and will always be welcome at Midlands Maidens.
Almost as good as Mr Impeccable, this type of client will always phone up in good time, and will not impose curfews, but takes a little longer to answer the call-back from the girl as he’s either in the shower, or has gone out to get his cash. Funnily enough, these clients can have other advantages, as they are the ones to tend to extend their appointments once they realise they’re not being bullshitted by the agency.
Again a pleasure to work with, and a close second in the Midlands Maidens foodchain – a starter and main meal, with a possibility of a dessert.
An acceptable type of client, but one that likes to set curfews on when the girl will arrive. Calls wanting the girl within the hour, or texts with the same request. When told that an hour would be fine, changes it to 30 mins. Call-backs from the girls are often ignored due to them not answering with-held numbers, and require a call back from the office to tell them that a girl has been trying to get in touch. We’re quite used to the girls having ‘I am It’ attitudes, but Mr Punter has this attitude from step one!
Frequently making just the one hour appointment due to it ‘being a bit pricey int it’?, this is the run of the mill type client for weekend nights. We would liken this one in the foodchain to being a bit like a kebab.
Mr Sex Chatter
Calls in good time, but then goes on to talk about anything and everything, with a few additional questions like ‘what services do you do and do you enjoy them?’ and ‘what you wearing?’ and ‘what will you be wearing when you come over?’.
Frequently put onto speaker-phone once the girl realises what’s happening so that we can all have a laugh, this always prompts us to put on a Pot Noodle – which is where we will add it into the foodchain.
Never calls, always texts, or whatsapps, or sends us a free text message. The messages from this type of client are ALWAYS ignored unless we’re really desperate – but then again, who needs someone that can’t even make a phone call? Probably can’t make a phone call as scared to talk to girls.
The lowest member of the Midlands Maidens foodchain – a little like a lard sandwich.I've just been reading about the Midlands Maidens Client Foodchain! Click To Tweet
We hope you’ve enjoyed our little run-down on the types of clients we expect to meet over this next weekend. The nearer to the top of the list you can manage would be great, and the girls will be ready to take your calls!